BARE

A bare soul fails to find security, from the unique way of being different to the way your strong demeanor stills a room.

feeling wrong for being me when i should be able to just be free

Released from judgment or hate.

Visualized with respect regardless of the journey. Life with confidence is washed.

Vanished from the view of ones core to be given to the universe who drains every hope of survival.

It’s gone.

Standing tall with the pounds of regret as a necklace but facing the music as if the sound of defeat makes me dance

Will I survive.

Misunderstood yet surely forgotten and my thoughts become judgment of anger spread across my loved ones

I’m sorry

Resilient at its best Queen but the value of your sword isn’t as fond as the gold in your heart.

covered by the wounds and blinded by the disaster , the walls of control remain dominant in a fragile space.

Representing my strength and wearing it loud I failed my heart.

Allowing the softness of my touch and soothing of my soul to be damaged by the foul faces who’ve desired it .

I’ve lost..

accepting failure to yourself as you turn your own dagger in your back. Releasing your reflection to understand the demand to erase all that you’ve lost to regain all that you’ve won .

continue standing .

Releasing your emotions with pain. Covering your wounds with .. life. Understanding the journey or not being close enough to the right path.

Embracing reality .. or setting it free.

Accepting your hardships or delivering your message

Giving up or stay still …

Unknown

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Unspoken

My walls are crashing with the space between my palms and the crumble as I stretch my arms as far as they can go.

Inhaling the fumes of my toxic life I feel like my grasp is loose.

Releasing anger and embracing the tears that flow. Feeling the pain seep into my pores I’ve allowed my failures to become me .

Raging at the site of loneliness, I fear the day I stand alone. Battling my demons as my warriors lay tired .

TIRED with NO FIGHT, numb at the tip of my fingers to the pit of my soul. Unable to scream for help but raising my voice in my head to the highest tune that my heart allows .

Silenced.

The reality of one losing sight of what was.

Broken.

In shambles on the floor sweeping what I thought had formed into strength

Lifeless

Temptation

In remembrance of your smile i try to piece together your pain. In thought of the past i try to find the answers. My mind is racing my temptation is dripping from the palms of my hands…I need to know..

What could you possibly have to say to me?

I dream of the day my shine blinds you. Remember those nights you sat back and laughed? Remember all those harsh words of being nothing without your touch.

my temptation is killing me, i really want to know! What were you thinking? Did you really think that could ruin me? I don’t understand… the excuses are dead..i use to fall for them…

but now my heart takes control.

I am stronger without you

Do you remember those nights i cried?  You sat there with no emotion.. not understanding me so instead you left me in the storm…

D.r.o.w.n.i.n.g

feelings were worthless, my tears were painless, my love for you was dying.

Why did you let me suffer?

As you slept peacefully, you left me alone to wonder about my insecurities. i suffered in your presence. I tried to get you to understand. I begged you to listen.

You deserted me, i don’t deserve this.

You tried to destroy me.

you almost had me…wrapped up in your arms praying i was safe. Laying beneath you hiding from…you.

I am stronger than you.

Pretending the pain isn’t surfaced. loving you through your devilish ways. Never backing down, always expressing love. Needing you, Desiring you. praying for you… Just to be…

washed away by you.

I am better than this.

The constant hardship. the constant heartache….

I have something to say to you..

I am strong

I am love

I am blessed

I am beautiful

I am understanding

I am smart

I am worthy

I am desirable

I am human

I  am ME.

I thought I needed you, I thought you completed me , I thought I couldn’t live without your touch. I thought I couldn’t parent without you. I was wrapped up in you.

I couldn’t function without you.

but now my heart takes control.

The world is on my shoulders and i carry it well. You thought you could belittle me, you thought i was weak.

Foolish…

You couldn’t love me so you taught me how to love myself. You didn’t appreciate me so you pushed me to appreciate myself. You didn’t fight for me …so i chose to fight for myself.

 

Queen Wins.

 

 

 

 

Remember who you are

Face the mirror Queen.

you.are.beautiful.

Your laugh, your drive, your ambition , your love..

you.are.beautiful

your sense of direction, your understanding soul, your fight for love.

you.are.beautiful

your loyalty, your honesty, your sense of humor.

you.are.beautiful.

Self love is the best love. No one can take away your desire to love who you are.

your faith, your grind, your personality, your big heart.

YOU.ARE.BEAUTIFUL.

Remember who you are Queen. Understand your worth, Don’t allow anyone to steer your soul differently. Through the hardest days of your life to the most rewarding. You are allowed to be exactly you. A Queen, a mother, a friend, a sister.. don’t let life take your sight.

Remain you Queen.

Look over me

Whispering winds and sweet sounds . I can feel your presence and your smooth breeze when you use to walk by . 

Your sweet voice and warm laugh. I can hear your accent when the wind blows. 

Fresh brewing coffee sheds light on my life and sweet birds in arms reach remind me of your love. 

Guide me 

Protect me 

Fly with me 

Your childhood stories , the lessons given to the lessons learned. Your fearful demeanor and soft hugs. You’re missed. 
I hope you continue to pray for me, love me and value me within the lights of you. Shine down on me . ✨

But for now it hurts..

– the pain is imbedded into my bones. . The screeching sound of my cry houls in my ear. 

– The endless tears that never dry . The aching pain in my chest from depression gaining control . 

– My faith is strong the end is far from near but the agony drills deep enough though my heart will overcome. 

– The remembrance of the look in your eyes when you ripped me apart. The soul inside dragged me around with no shame. 

– Keep pushing Queen the end is near don’t stop until you can… breathe 

I loved that broken soul.

Late night prayers with endless nights of wondering if i would survive..Would i live to tell my story? I never really understood what was happening around me. My life was exhausting even when i was resting.

I was in love with a man who didn’t have enough heart to love himself….

Late night smoking sessions with early mornings. All i ever wanted was to grasp my reality and gather my thoughts. My depression was endless and the tunnel was completely gone. No light in sight. Lost in the clouds..

I was in love with a man who hurt me daily….

What is life? Happiness, purity, love, laughter..making memories you will never forget with people and family that held your hand and watched you prosper to your current book. Loving life with people that completed my sentences with periods and pushed me to be great.

I was in love…

i spend 1,825 days wanting my life back. The depression he faced seeped into my pores.. it took over my mind, my body and my soul. My life as i built it wasn’t the way i was living. Anxiety, Depression, Insomnia.. who am i ?

I was in love with the demon living inside him….

When you look in the mirror at your reflection, the figure of your face, the tears in your eyes, the expression you make, it all can determine your hardship. When i looked in the mirror the only image i seen was his sick and twisted ways of using manipulation to make me feel completely…. lost ….i could only see him.

I was in love with a man who ruined me…

Late night crying and holding our children. Screaming in prayer to be released from the horrible life i led. Where did i go wrong, why isn’t he protecting us? What can i do to save him?

I was in love with a man who controlled my life…

Loving someone endlessly is all i knew. I accepted him in his skin. He beat me with his words, he slapped me with his accusations.. he tore me apart from the curls in my hair to the pink polish on my toes. I was his doll, he played with me…

I was in love with a man who took advantage of my heart…

Lost in love trying to find a route, looking for the light that never shined. Fighting through the tension, calming him in his rage. Completely letting myself go to save a soul that didn’t want to live. Suicide tried taking him..i couldn’t lose the man i was in love with, i fought and protected the demon i loved…

I thought i was in love with a man who beat me down…

Getting lost in the responsibilities of life. Bills, kids, prepping meals, maintaining a household, dropping down to whatever his beck and call was.. i was so tired. Exhaustion became my first name.

I thought i was in love with a man who let me struggle…alone.

My reality was never his priority. I was a stepping stone to the life he dreamed. I was the guinea pig to his desires and the floor mat he stomped away his mistakes on. I was a living and moving rag that was torn apart through every trial we faced.

I thought i needed him…

After years of dying internally, i finally found the music that released my fears. My prayers became more frequent, my support became stronger. I began to realize that my road would end with death if it didn’t start with strength.

I was in love with who i was becoming…